My best mates are really into bowhunting pigs at the moment. Just hoping they never run into something like this one. Found at the Roy Hill Station in WA near Pilbara...I'd want more than a bow as a weapon....and some wet wipes
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
Kids
All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better. Ralph Waldo Emerson
Also reminds me of a female commedian who always say " we have 5 children! BUT - we are committed, we're going to keep trying until we get one we like!"
Also reminds me of a female commedian who always say " we have 5 children! BUT - we are committed, we're going to keep trying until we get one we like!"
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
From the May edition - Calvary Creative Arts Roster
Being a part of the creative arts team gives us the awesome privilege of ministering to the church both behind the scenes and on platform. As servants of the house we naturally become leaders in some way, as Jesus told us in order to lead others we must serve.
One top quality of effective leadership is personal warmth, our ability to get along with others. As a team, we are brilliant encouragers and always uplift each other, which becomes easy to see as more and more people become a part of the creative ministries. Personal warmth attracts people.
From this position of influence and leadership our personal warmth builds something greater again, other people. “Great people are those who can make others feel that they, too, can become great.” – Mark TwainWarm people are approachable, easy to talk to, genuinely interested in others lives and believe in God’s best for them.
The warmth of our team encourages others to live victorious lives through faith in Jesus and that is one thing that will contribute to the continual growth of God’s house.
“IT’S ALL ABOUT PEOPLE”
Monday, April 20, 2009
With what spirit 2
I always find it interesting that I might do something, which I think is the right thing to do at the time, however the response I get isn't quite what I was expecting. Always a great thing to happen though as it really tests the heart in which you did it to start with. Found this great example today.
There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read:
Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterdaysomeone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension check. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?
Sincerely,
Edna
The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.
Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read:
Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it must have been those thieving bastards at the Post Office.
There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read:
Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterdaysomeone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension check. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?
Sincerely,
Edna
The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.
Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read:
Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it must have been those thieving bastards at the Post Office.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
A White Knuckle Christmas
An elderly man in Miami calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls her father immediately and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME!?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "They're coming for Christmas and paying their own airfares."
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls her father immediately and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME!?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "They're coming for Christmas and paying their own airfares."
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Golf amongst other insanities!
I played a round of Golf this afternoon with some freinds from Calvary for our "Ambrose Golf Day Challenge." I failed to win any awards, which is fantastic in a way as "shortest drive" and "worst score on a single hole" we up for grabs, so I was thankful not to take those out.
It's amazing how taking a single month off can really damage an already poor game. It may take 9 holes to get into the swing of things again, by which time you have finally hit that "miracle shot" which you have waited your whole round to hit. 9 holes has always been a tease for me. It becons me on to another 9 after which I feel terrible as my performance won't seem to improve much at all.
It made me think, how many things do I do in life, that I begin to get good at, or I have a good performance once or twice, giving me the confidence or motivation to go on. So many times I might throw something away because "more often than not" I am not performing well. I need to get some golf character about myself. If I live for the best stroke on the course and only look at the other strokes in terms of how I can improve, why wouldn't I look at life the same way.
Just a thought
It's amazing how taking a single month off can really damage an already poor game. It may take 9 holes to get into the swing of things again, by which time you have finally hit that "miracle shot" which you have waited your whole round to hit. 9 holes has always been a tease for me. It becons me on to another 9 after which I feel terrible as my performance won't seem to improve much at all.
It made me think, how many things do I do in life, that I begin to get good at, or I have a good performance once or twice, giving me the confidence or motivation to go on. So many times I might throw something away because "more often than not" I am not performing well. I need to get some golf character about myself. If I live for the best stroke on the course and only look at the other strokes in terms of how I can improve, why wouldn't I look at life the same way.
Just a thought
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
How would you cast?
Is this the new simpsons movie to hit our screens soon! I wonder if Lisa would play the Oracle instead of Marge, Mr Burns should definately be the architect, the jury is definately out on who would have that pivitol role of Trinity...and what of Morpheous??
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
In the deep
I had the absolute priviledge of being asked to MC a close friends wedding later this year. Being the excitable, puppy-like, (I swear a little bit of pee came out. Monica-Friends) I said yes without haste!
Now the challenge begins, what to say, how to say it, what do I do, what don't I do....flip it's not even my wedding!
In every God given opportunity though, the answer is always "Yes" and then I'll stretch and grow, laugh, scream and bash my head against the wall until I can say..."It is finished." That's how I become a bigger man. Take on the task and the responsibilty to complete to do whatever it takesto complete it.
Now the challenge begins, what to say, how to say it, what do I do, what don't I do....flip it's not even my wedding!
In every God given opportunity though, the answer is always "Yes" and then I'll stretch and grow, laugh, scream and bash my head against the wall until I can say..."It is finished." That's how I become a bigger man. Take on the task and the responsibilty to complete to do whatever it takesto complete it.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Brain Teaser #61
There is a low railroad bridge in your town. One day you see a large truck stopped just before the underpass. When you ask what has happened, the driver tells you that his truck is one inch higher than the indicated height of the opening. This is the only road to his destination. What can he do to get through the underpass the easiest way?
For answer click here
For answer click here
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Steps of Faith
Tithing is hard when you don't earn a lot. You look at the small you have and think, "If I give away this, I definately won't have enough to get through the week."
But the thought dawned on me this morning while praying. My tithe adds to the house, to the total that is taken up, which is then used in turn to help so many needy people. Even beside that, my tithe is used in such a way to introduce people to Jesus as He provides a way where there is no way.
My faith changed from just tithing and being faithful that God would provide, to tithing and being faith filled that my small, will be turned into large! From that, well nothing is impossible with God.
Small steps of faith is like going to the Gym daily. You want to be a massive muscle man, you have to overcome small resistance everyday. Same with Faith, by tithing, I overcome, daily.
But the thought dawned on me this morning while praying. My tithe adds to the house, to the total that is taken up, which is then used in turn to help so many needy people. Even beside that, my tithe is used in such a way to introduce people to Jesus as He provides a way where there is no way.
My faith changed from just tithing and being faithful that God would provide, to tithing and being faith filled that my small, will be turned into large! From that, well nothing is impossible with God.
Small steps of faith is like going to the Gym daily. You want to be a massive muscle man, you have to overcome small resistance everyday. Same with Faith, by tithing, I overcome, daily.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Nailed to the cross
Is being nailed to a cross in this day an age something that ridicules Christs' sacrifice, or is it an experience that brings people closer to Christ with an understanding of what He went through? 3 men and a woman were voluntarily nailed to a cross yesterday in the Phillipines.
Check here for the full story
Check here for the full story
Friday, April 10, 2009
Good Friday Thought
For good Friday this year I was asked to build 3 crosses for the church. They were used as a visual prop so we could put a nail into the cross as a representation of being nailed to the cross with Christ.
I was priviledged to be asked until half way through when I realised I am a terrible carpenter. Had the idea in my head right however my ability to produce a top quality product was far from superior. Actually my ability to be a walking, workplace health and safety nightmare was very aparant.
Well let's put it this way, the old, rough cross definately looks....well, rough. I can say that I have truly bleed for the cause too. The injury tally was a large split on my right foot (the crosses weigh in at about 44kg) so that took a piece of me and left it on the cross, with a small blood stain, plus many bruised fingers.
Well, now I know that we use our gifts to the greatest benefit of the house! They wanted an old rough cross, well they came to the right man!
I was priviledged to be asked until half way through when I realised I am a terrible carpenter. Had the idea in my head right however my ability to produce a top quality product was far from superior. Actually my ability to be a walking, workplace health and safety nightmare was very aparant.
Well let's put it this way, the old, rough cross definately looks....well, rough. I can say that I have truly bleed for the cause too. The injury tally was a large split on my right foot (the crosses weigh in at about 44kg) so that took a piece of me and left it on the cross, with a small blood stain, plus many bruised fingers.
Well, now I know that we use our gifts to the greatest benefit of the house! They wanted an old rough cross, well they came to the right man!
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Is your Rabbi HOT?
What is the world coming too! When I first read this article I was thinking, "How can you tell Rabbis apart anyway? Don't they all have long, black beards and that little cosy thing on the back of their heads?
Thinking it was a joke I re-read the article to discover it is not the first time they have held the "Hottest Rabbi" competition, rather it's the third competition in a row!
For the full details check the story out here.
If you need to throw up afterwards click here
Thinking it was a joke I re-read the article to discover it is not the first time they have held the "Hottest Rabbi" competition, rather it's the third competition in a row!
For the full details check the story out here.
If you need to throw up afterwards click here
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
All About People
A holy man was having a conversation with God one day and said, ' God , I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.' God led the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in. In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water. The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles, that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful. But because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths. The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering. God said, 'You have seen Hell.'
They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one. There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking. The holy man said, 'I don't understand.' It is simple,' said God . 'It requires but one skill.
You see they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves.'
They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one. There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking. The holy man said, 'I don't understand.' It is simple,' said God . 'It requires but one skill.
You see they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves.'
Monday, April 6, 2009
With what spirit?
It's so much easier to write a resume than to craft a spirit.
Anna Quindlen, A Short Guide to a Happy Life, 2000(1953 - )
This begged an interesting question for me. On the one hand what does it take to create a resume and on the other, what does it take to craft a spirit?
Most resumes' are lists of people acheivements, qualifications earned, pieces of paper, occupational experiences and the like. Few give insight as to the character of the person, although it has always made me laugh as a previous employer to see when young people but a "Character" Section on their resume. They would write traits such as "honest, hard working, reliable, teachable" and so on. What employer though would hire someone with the expectation of them turning up late, stealing the stationary and giving the boss lip while sitting back and doing nothing?
It's always easier to tell people what you've done, but so much harder for you to tell them with what spirit you did it with. To craft a spirit, speaks of iron sharpening iron. It speaks of the times you turned up to work when you really didn't want to get out of bed. Doing things when you didn't feel like it. It's about your character, integrity, zest for the task at hand and your vision.
The spirit in which you do something with is something that can only be shown, aside from this you will never be able to explain it to another, only your previous employers or leaders can do this, for the spirit in which you do the task can always be seen by others.
Anna Quindlen, A Short Guide to a Happy Life, 2000(1953 - )
This begged an interesting question for me. On the one hand what does it take to create a resume and on the other, what does it take to craft a spirit?
Most resumes' are lists of people acheivements, qualifications earned, pieces of paper, occupational experiences and the like. Few give insight as to the character of the person, although it has always made me laugh as a previous employer to see when young people but a "Character" Section on their resume. They would write traits such as "honest, hard working, reliable, teachable" and so on. What employer though would hire someone with the expectation of them turning up late, stealing the stationary and giving the boss lip while sitting back and doing nothing?
It's always easier to tell people what you've done, but so much harder for you to tell them with what spirit you did it with. To craft a spirit, speaks of iron sharpening iron. It speaks of the times you turned up to work when you really didn't want to get out of bed. Doing things when you didn't feel like it. It's about your character, integrity, zest for the task at hand and your vision.
The spirit in which you do something with is something that can only be shown, aside from this you will never be able to explain it to another, only your previous employers or leaders can do this, for the spirit in which you do the task can always be seen by others.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Chris Hill
Flip! We've had the prviledge of having Chris Hill in Townsville from "The Potters House" in Dallas Texas. Chris is one of the Associate pastors and Elders of T.D Jakes and has been fully hillarious and insightful.
I have never known my brain and ribs to hurt so much in the Space of a few days. He's concepts on leadership and ability to pull out some amazing truths of the bible while splitting your sides in fits of laughter is something I have never seen before. He makes the TRUTH STAND UP.
I will never be the same after this weekend. I know this already. Chris spoke to over 700 people out our Youth of Friday night, 350 leaders at our leaders meeting on Saturday night and is speaking in both services today at Calvary.
Tomorrow he is speaking at our NQ district meeting followed by a preaching workshop Tuesday...can't wait!
I have never known my brain and ribs to hurt so much in the Space of a few days. He's concepts on leadership and ability to pull out some amazing truths of the bible while splitting your sides in fits of laughter is something I have never seen before. He makes the TRUTH STAND UP.
I will never be the same after this weekend. I know this already. Chris spoke to over 700 people out our Youth of Friday night, 350 leaders at our leaders meeting on Saturday night and is speaking in both services today at Calvary.
Tomorrow he is speaking at our NQ district meeting followed by a preaching workshop Tuesday...can't wait!
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Come Back
We have all been out somewhere where that obnoxious guy with the cheesy smile and duck strut attempts to use some one liner he heard on the man show or read off the bathroom wall Here are the worst of them and the best comebacks.
I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.
Comeback: I may not be Bam Bam, but I bet I can give you a lump on the head!
If you were a hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.
Comeback: Would that be under your McLame burger?
Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven?
Comeback: Not near as bad as when you hit planet rejection.
Do you have a map? I just keep getting lost in your eyes.
Comeback: “Sure” Then give them directions back to their table or wherever.
Do you clean your clothes with Windex? Because I see myself in your pants.
Comeback: No, but you should invest in some of that Windex cause your view is seriously cloudy.
Guess what? It's your lucky day. Out of all the girls here, I picked you to talk to.
Comeback: Wow! Its your lucky day too. Out of all the ways I could embarrass you right now…..I will just walk away.
Do you Can I take your picture? I want Santa to know exactly what I want for Christmas.
Comeback: Sorry, Santa already has a brain on lay -a - way for you.
Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?
Comeback: No, but sure…. Just next time try to keep walking.
Help the homeless. Take me home with you.
Comeback: I don't bring home strays with the mange, but the pound might take you.
Great dress. My floor has been wanting one just like that.
Comeback: Maybe you should run to Macy's and take care of that.
You might as well sleep with me, I'll tell my friends you did anyway.
Comeback: Then really the question will be who will be more embarrassed. Me for sleeping with a dud like you or you after I tell everyone you gave me herpes.
I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.
Comeback: I may not be Bam Bam, but I bet I can give you a lump on the head!
If you were a hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.
Comeback: Would that be under your McLame burger?
Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven?
Comeback: Not near as bad as when you hit planet rejection.
Do you have a map? I just keep getting lost in your eyes.
Comeback: “Sure” Then give them directions back to their table or wherever.
Do you clean your clothes with Windex? Because I see myself in your pants.
Comeback: No, but you should invest in some of that Windex cause your view is seriously cloudy.
Guess what? It's your lucky day. Out of all the girls here, I picked you to talk to.
Comeback: Wow! Its your lucky day too. Out of all the ways I could embarrass you right now…..I will just walk away.
Do you Can I take your picture? I want Santa to know exactly what I want for Christmas.
Comeback: Sorry, Santa already has a brain on lay -a - way for you.
Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?
Comeback: No, but sure…. Just next time try to keep walking.
Help the homeless. Take me home with you.
Comeback: I don't bring home strays with the mange, but the pound might take you.
Great dress. My floor has been wanting one just like that.
Comeback: Maybe you should run to Macy's and take care of that.
You might as well sleep with me, I'll tell my friends you did anyway.
Comeback: Then really the question will be who will be more embarrassed. Me for sleeping with a dud like you or you after I tell everyone you gave me herpes.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Calvary Leadership College
Today was another great day at Calvary Leadership College. All up we have 38 students attending college from Townsville, Ingham, Cairns and Clermont. It's an exciting place to be every week. The dynamics of the class is amazing, it's got such a great culture with everyone pitching in to do their bit and encouraging each other in everything we do.
Such a great environment to be in even with "Iron sharpening Iron" to make us better people, all the sharpening, plowing, prunning, molding and reshaping is done with a genuine love for each other and to see the best come out in each other.
Wouldn't want to be at any other college in Australia.
Such a great environment to be in even with "Iron sharpening Iron" to make us better people, all the sharpening, plowing, prunning, molding and reshaping is done with a genuine love for each other and to see the best come out in each other.
Wouldn't want to be at any other college in Australia.
Feats of Strength
I have a insane fascination about sport, especially strength related sports like the International Strongman Competition
At the moment, the Strongest Man organisers believe the world strongman title should go to John Wooten of Massachusetts. At 51 years old, he had towed a Mississippi river boat against the current, piggybacked an elephant, stopped two jet planes from taking off by holding them down, and pulled a 280-ton train along a track. John Wooten is 1,86 m (6'1") tall and weighs 132 kg (290 lb).
He got his start in the strongman business in 1969 when he happened to meet a 79 kg (175 lb) man in his 70s who could bend 60-penny railroad spikes in his bare hands and taught him how to back-lift elephants.
Dennis Rogers is currently, pound for pound, the strongest man in the world. Weighing just 67kg (148 lb) he regularly bends stacks of metal objects and has also stopped planes from taking off. You can check out his website here
One thing these feats do is remind me of what it takes to become people of great inner strength. The ability to overcome great adversity or resistance is what makes these men seperate from the rest of us mere mortals and it is the same with our character. To become big people in God requires faith. Faith overcomes great resistance and adversity, resulting in massive people of faith!
To see great feats of strength inspires me, so can the same be said for great feats of faith? Yes.
At the moment, the Strongest Man organisers believe the world strongman title should go to John Wooten of Massachusetts. At 51 years old, he had towed a Mississippi river boat against the current, piggybacked an elephant, stopped two jet planes from taking off by holding them down, and pulled a 280-ton train along a track. John Wooten is 1,86 m (6'1") tall and weighs 132 kg (290 lb).
He got his start in the strongman business in 1969 when he happened to meet a 79 kg (175 lb) man in his 70s who could bend 60-penny railroad spikes in his bare hands and taught him how to back-lift elephants.
Dennis Rogers is currently, pound for pound, the strongest man in the world. Weighing just 67kg (148 lb) he regularly bends stacks of metal objects and has also stopped planes from taking off. You can check out his website here
One thing these feats do is remind me of what it takes to become people of great inner strength. The ability to overcome great adversity or resistance is what makes these men seperate from the rest of us mere mortals and it is the same with our character. To become big people in God requires faith. Faith overcomes great resistance and adversity, resulting in massive people of faith!
To see great feats of strength inspires me, so can the same be said for great feats of faith? Yes.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
The Purina Diet
An email I received today....classic
Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow at K-mart, for my dogs Winston, Chief, Gus, and Maximus. I was about to check out when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think, that I had an elephant?
Since I had little else to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time. On the bright side though, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of every hole in my body and IVs in both arms.I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was enthralled with my story by now.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food had poisoned me. I told her no; I had stopped in the middle of the parking lot to lick my butt and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!
K-MART won't let me shop there anymore
Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow at K-mart, for my dogs Winston, Chief, Gus, and Maximus. I was about to check out when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think, that I had an elephant?
Since I had little else to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time. On the bright side though, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of every hole in my body and IVs in both arms.I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was enthralled with my story by now.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food had poisoned me. I told her no; I had stopped in the middle of the parking lot to lick my butt and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!
K-MART won't let me shop there anymore
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